My whole life I’ve felt like a garden.

I feel amazing at times thriving and growing off kindness shown to me. Those are my spring days, the days I feel alive.

In my winter days, I’m dead. I hide away into my seed and hope to make it another day. I pray that the people influencing my garden pour kind, warm water into it rather than shovel cold, painful ice. I can never see the people who enter my garden. These large stones act like a brick wall blocking me from knowing my future. They are the only barrier I have from the outside world. This brick wall meant to protect me only hinders my growth and destroys me.

I’m unable to spread my leaves and shine with the beauty of the sun when the only energy I get is that of other people. Don’t get me wrong I love when people rain love upon me. But, sadly that never happens anymore.

People throw trash at me. This trash always stays trapped in my confined space. It’s a negative comment, a hurtful self image shown from someone else’s eyes, or a physical bruise. Never does something good stay. I use up all the positivity to overgrow the trash, but after I use it all the trash begins to take over again. I have no say in what other people do to me. I cannot stop them from throwing trash and I cannot make them rain in love. I’ll have to take the love when given and grow or I’ll have to take the trash and shrink. These circumstantial constraints have caused other people and myself to become unable to get to see my true self.

I could’ve been a beautiful rose down by a flower shop, where my outside influences only have love to give me. I could have been a magnificent lavender flower that when smelt I express all the beauty of freedom. But, sadly I’m not. Unlike the rose bathed in love, I’m covered in eternal hate. Unlike the lavender who experiences the beauty of freedom, I’m restricted by these boundaries people have forced me to be confined in. People influencing my garden have set limits to my growth and no matter what I do I cannot destroy these boundaries. Each brick that lays in front of me, reveals another constraint placed on me. Whether it be a physical or emotional constraint, I cannot change it.

For me being a weak spineless flower going up against a brick wall of restrictions, its impossible for me to win. No matter how hard I try I wouldn’t be able to move even a single brick. I am weak whenever a brick appears. It started off with one unmovable brick and slowly it grew into a brick wall as more and more people began to influence my garden. At this point I cannot even see the true horizon something that is always there.

My horizon has become the height of this brick wall.

I am forever affected by the shackles placed on me and I cannot do anything about it.

picture – https://feralfront.com/index.php?topic=267843.0