Ice Rain ( January Free Choice )

Rain crashes down on the pavement with murderous intent. Everyone rest safely inside their homes, no one is will to go outside and get hurt by it. I venture out into the middle of the street, the rain slams down against my body. It feels like every heavy drop of rain is as solid as an icicle. I have to force myself to stand in this aggressive rain. This is my punishment for losing the family heirloom.

It may have just been an old rusty locket, but that locket was worth more than the 50 cents that bastard sold it for. My great grandma survived the war with that locket. Her blood stain was still on it; it wasn’t cleaned after the war. My grandma took it and survived a car accident. The bloody car didn’t even try to stop it just ran her over and kept going. There’s a rock still embedded into it from then; no one dare remove it for we thought it gave us good luck. I thought it put my grandma in the hospital and that it took her legs away from her. My mom somehow survived a robbery. She was shot in the stomach and doctors said there was no chance she would make it. The locket changed its colour that day to rose red. Over time it hardened and became a nasty colour of black. But, still we believed it brought good luck.

Now I lost it the one thing that kept my family together was this locket and I trusted a girl who I thought I loved with it. What does she do with it? She sells the locket to some “thugs” and says they were looking at me like they were gonna hurt me. So, tell me how? How does someone who looks like they’ll hurt you give you money for something instead of just threatening you and getting it for free.

A blue car approaches me I can only hear it. It comes closer and I can now see its headlights through this intense rain. It’s too late to move. I’m stuck in the middle of the road with a car about to hit me. The car sends sprawling onto the sidewalk. The car window breaks and something flies into my stomach puncturing it. I can’t move I think I may have broken a rib or two, I know my legs are useless at this point, and my right arm is a goner.

I see my blood running away from my stomach into the middle of the road surrounding  a small object. I’m blind I think it looks like that damned locket. I know I’m dead at this point. The blood is dense and even this bizarre rain storm can’t get rid of it quick enough.

Reaching with the only limb that works, i go for the locket. I manage to grasp it with my remaining strength. I see the locket. I see its blood. I see the rock. The rain begins to chip away at it. The blood no longer remains on the locket and the rock quickly flies away. The locket is the shape of a heart. Could i live from this accident somehow? Could it bring me good luck? I close my eyes and smile. I’m going to be okay. I lose all the strength in my arm and in my body and let my body relax.

The heart stays in my hand as I’m pelted by this never ending rain.

I blackout.

pic- http://www.chriswormald.co.uk/index.php?&recently_added=true&result=0

Dark Mind (November Free Choice)

Often, I find myself surrounded by darkness. Today’s one of those days. I think back to all the mistakes I’ve made, all the regrets I’ve created.

I’m useless, I know that. But in how many ways?

Its hard to survive in a world full of beauty and purpose. Its hard because all around me everyone knows what they want to do with their lives. Even those who are unsure of what their life purpose is, I’m one hundred percent sure they’ll figure it out eventually. On the other hand, I can’t even see myself passed 20.

They’re alive, happy, and enjoying life around me. I’m dead. I’m useless. A bother that is consumed by depression.

None of them wanted to die. Sure, they say things like, “I’m dead” or, “I feel like dying” but have they ever meant it. Unlike them, I’ve meant it before.Its almost been a year since I’ve tried to act on this meaning. Isn’t it funny how I tried to die on the day Jesus was born. Am I a devil? Did he figure out that I was and try to kill me? Everyone says hell is below us. Maybe that’s why I feel so much more connected to the earth than the sky.

I wonder how the lives of my loved ones would be affected if I left. I know it they wouldn’t be. Sure, they would cry for maybe a week. But after that, nothing would change. They would still wake up in the morning, go to work, eat, and sleep. Nothing would change if I leave this world.

Maybe living hell is better than the “life” I “live” now. Its probably so much more exciting. Maybe I would have a purpose there. I know I would have more of a purpose there than I do here.

Often, I’m surrounded by regret.

Often, I am covered in nothing but darkness.

Often, I want to die.

Never, can I bring myself to do it.

 

 

 

http://thejusticegap.com/2014/06/case-alfred-moore-innocent-man-hang/ – picture

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